Porkchops and Teardrops

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Lawnchair Rodeo Version

He was a man who brought home the bacon
And the ice cream, too
A great provider of celery and cider
Plenty of beef for the stew
She thought it was smart
To feed his heart
By stuffing his belly
She plied him with casseroles
Meat loaf, and dumplings
Pot roast, and lamb with mint jelly

And then one night he was late
For the meal she put on his plate
Said he’d found someone new
A perfect soul mate
Who don’t smell like onions
And make him put on weight

All she was left with was
Porkchops and teardrops,
Blues in the big box
Grief served with ham hocks
Microwave memories, misery
Milkshakes and heartache

His new woman fed him brown rice and wheatgrass
Tofu, and flax seed
Portion control was the rule of the realm
Don’t take more than you need
He shrank and he shriveled
Declined and dwindled
Got lost in the clothes that he wore
Pretty soon he withered away
Could bring home the bacon no more

His old woman, meanwhile
She cried and she cried
Then she baked
And then she fried
Then she foun d someone new
A perfect soul mate
Who loved smellin‘ onions
And puttin‘ on weight

She forgot about them
Porkchops and teardrops,
Blues in the big box
Grief served with ham hocks
Microwave memories, misery
Milkshakes and heartache

She forgot about them
Porkchops and teardrops,
Blues in the big box
Grief served with ham hocks
Microwave memories, misery
Milkshakes and heartache